I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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