I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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