What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am one with the molecules
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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