dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she told me i tasted like america
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
