dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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