he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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