he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
