Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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