I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
