i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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