He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i will never coherently bang her
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I want is dick and wine.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
