a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
