the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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