I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
