ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
