I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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