So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
