there's paper in my vomit.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
