There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
