the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
