like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
