I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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