M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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