I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
