I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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