Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
