He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
