Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i now understand why vodka
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
