Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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