idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
