I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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