i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
