I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well I just put wine in my tea
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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