soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
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