Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
