Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
In America we eat man semen.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
