Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
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Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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