So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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