that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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