someone threw a dead crab at me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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