I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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