I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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