mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
