I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize