the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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