im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
