She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
