I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
