Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
