I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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