I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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