he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
