one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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