You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
