So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
