If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
