i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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