you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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