You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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